Losing America
by Keiko Sahara
Summary: This is it, I give up, and I just want it to be over with...I close my eyes, letting myself breath one last breath, my feet hanging over the edge...I lean forward.
1. Chapter 1

**Save Me Just In Time**

_I'm just a step away_  
_I'm just a breath away_  
_Losing my faith today_  
_Falling off the edge today_

_I am just a man_  
_Not Superhero man_  
_I'm not Superhero man_  
_Someone save me from the haze_

This is it, I give up. I'm tired and just want it to be over with. I make my way up the stairs, my hands clenched in tight fists. I can feel my accelerated through my glove, my nails digging into my palm.

I had been through enough, seeing everything, living through everything. I was tired of seeing everybody I care about getting hurt because of my mistakes. I reach my hand up through my short blonde hair, reaching the top of the stairs, the door looming before me. I had already made my preperations, calling England and leaving a message on his Caller ID. Along with Canada, Australia, and the rest of my family and Japan, telling them it wasn't their fault and that this was what I wanted. I even called and apologized to Russia for being so stubborn.

I needed this. I take my right hand, placing it on the door and open it up, the wind almost taking me by surprise. I didn't know it was going to be this strong up here.

"Well, it is 30 floors."

_Its just another war_  
_Just another family torn_  
_Falling from my faith today_  
_Just a step from the edge_  
_Just another day in the world we live in_

I sigh, walking out onto the roof.

I was at war, a war most of my country didn't want in the first place. We were only to search for Weapons of Mass Destruction and then pull out. He kept us there, for nine years, and now I had a new boss, who was changing everything and anything.

My economy was shot. My blood pressure was so low, I probably wasn't going to survive much longer anyway. The depression was effecting everybody, and I was the cause of it. It was my fault, everything is always my fault. I'm the nation who everybody hates because of what my bosses do, they never get to know the real me.

The America they saw at the meetings was a facade I put on during the meetings, only Canada knew the real me. I made him promise he wouldn't tell England.

I near the ledge, the horns of the cars echoing below me, the night sky illuminated by the artifical lights of New York, giving it an unatural look to it. I remember when I use to be able to see all the stars, back when it was just the native Americans in my land. I don't even remember my origninal name.

I wasn't always America. No, that's just what Amerigo Vespucci signed on the map he drew of my lands. My name wasn't even mine, I was a wreck.

I look down, it was so much simpiler under the rule of the Native Americans. No World Wars, no economy, nothing. I see the city below me, the cars streaming by in their never ending drive. The sidewalk is slightly empty, being at least four in the morining. Hardly anybody would be out t this time, the city that never sleeps had to sleep sometime, and this was the time it was at it slowest. I saw a few figures dashing into the building, seeming to be in a hurry, but ignored it.

I edge closer, here I go.

A guts of wind blows, making me fall backwards, my back hitting the top of the roof. I yell in pain, sitting up and rubbing the back of my head. Just what I needed, humiliation. At least no one saw me. That's just what I need, for everybody to know I was pushed back by the wind while trying to kill myself.

Maybe I shouldn't do this. No, I have to do this, I've already made my preperations and called everybody I loved and hated. I stand up, I won't hurt no more, in just a minute.

No wind will stop me.

_Who's going to fight for what's right_  
_Who's going to help us survive_  
_We are in the fight of our lives_  
_And we're not ready to die_  
_Who's going to fight for the weak_  
_Who's going to make them believe_

I step back on the ledge, my toes hanging off the edge. I brace myself against the wind, looking down.

_I've got a hero living in me_

It sure was high, would this even kill me being a nation?

_I've got to fight for what's right_

I nod, this would, this would kill anything. I close my eyes, letting myself breath in one last breath.

_Today I'm speaking my mind_

5

This is it.

_If it kills me tonight_

4

I start to lean forward.

_I will be ready to die_

3

I feel my body move forward.

_A hero's not afraid to give his life_

2

My feet slip.

_A hero's going to save me just in time_

1...

**Please, a moment of silence for the fallen hero..........**

**(Mixalis and Keiko bow heads, Keiko wrining her tail in comfort)**

**Ok, back to authors notes. I was in my room, it was 4 in the night and I had to write this. I had been listening to Skillet (Awesome Band by the way) Very cool christian band that I listen to, aside for Pillar, but I'm reserving Pillar for my first love, Kingdom Hearts. XD Anyway, I had to, America has been going through depression and everything seems to be because of us, so , I made America seem morehow I felt he would. I mean, if you were causing a world wide depression, begging money off of China, and causing problems in the middle east and losing money in Greece, and in a war that started out as a search for Weapons of Mass Destruction and then turns out there are none, wouldn't you feel like this? Plus there has been a lot of suicides in America as well, I don't know if its been more than in recent years but it seems the news is broadcasting more and more. So it fits. And I found out wht America's real name is. I researched it. The Native Americns called their land Anowarkowa or Turtle Island. Cool huh? I'm teaching even in a one shot. Well, this might be a one shot, I'm debating on weather to continue or not.**

**Keiko: WE LOVE YOU AMERICA, WHY, WHY DID YOU DO IT? (Sobs into Mixalis's shoulder)**

**Mixali: WHy...(A tear falls to the ground, Mixalis's head bowed)**

**Keiko: Mixalis, are you crying?**

**Mixalis: No (Rubs eyes) I got something ...sniff...in my eye.**

**Keiko: Hugu?**

**Mixalis: (GLOMP) Why Alfred, he was so Awesome, why did you do it? WAHHHHHHH! (Sobs)**

**(Rare Moemnt, Keiko dies from shock)**

**Please read and review.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Save Me Just In Time**

_I need a hero_  
_To save me now_  
_I need a hero_  
_To save me now_  
_I need a hero_  
_To save my life_  
_A hero will save me_  
_Just in time_

I fall, feeling the wind ruffling through my hair. My stomach drops as I soar down, story after story, speeding up. I don't have time to think now, I can't think. I Just close my eyes and prepare to meet my maker. I stop, my descent halted abrubtly, yelping as my arm feels like it got ripped out of my socket. I groan and clench my fists, my arm killing me now.

"YOU BLOODY FUCKING BAKA! DON'T DO THIS!" I hear a voice yell out, my arm being held by another.

I gasp in surprise, I know that voice, anywhere. I close my eyes, why did he come? Why did he have to come? I didn't want to be saved. I didn't need a hero.

I look up, seeing England holding onto my arm for dear life out of my Apartment window, his eye blurry with tears. Both of his hands are clapsed around my wrist, holding on with everything he was worth. He was crying, trying to pull me up with what strength he had. He looked like he was in pain, probably from catching me after falling 10 stories already, after all, my arm is killing me. His whole body must be screaming in pain.

"Art..." I notice he is slipping out, "ARTHUR LET GO!"

I don't want him to die because of me!

My weight is too much for him, pulling him out of the window, despite everything he was doing to stop it. He had to let go, he was going to be dragged right out of the window with me!

I don't want him to die, I want to die, not him, anything but him!

England's in trouble and its once again my fault. Everything is my fault.

"Oh shit! FRANCIS!" He yells, slipping out further, "FRANCIS, LITTLE HELP, YOU WINO!" He yells out, just as a pair of hands wrap around his waist.

"I had to get up the stairs, oui?" France grunts out, pulling on England.

He brought France? Why? Why did they come? How did England know, he should still be in Europe! Why is he here?

I close my eyes, tear pouring out, "Let me go, Arthur!"

England looks at me, tears in his eyes, "No. I won't let you go! You don't understand, Alfred! I care about you, you baka!" He chokes back a sob, bitting his lip as his back screamed in pain, "Can't you get that through your dense skull?" He looks at me, his emrald green eyes drowned in tears, "I can't let you kill yourself!" He sobs out, struggling with France to pull me through my window.

I growl, bracing my feet against the wall, trying to get out of England's grip. I wanted to die, why didn't he understand this. I was in pain, I just wanted it to end. Why did he have to come now of all times?

I look up at him, England looks desperatly at me as I pulled back on them his fingers losing grip.

"Arthur, let me go! I don't want to live. Let me die, this is what I want! Can't you just listen to me for once?" I yell out, holding back my sobs.

I didn't want England like this, I cared about him too much. I never liked it when England was sad, escpecially the day I won the Revolution. The sight of him sobbing on the battlefeild, tearing my heart in two.

England's face goes from desperation to anger, "NO, YOU LISTEN TO ME! I CAN'T LOSE YOU!" his hand starts to lose grip on my wrst, England taking notice. He looks at me, frantic, "ALFRED STOP!" He yells out, "Hurry up and pull France!"

"J'ESSAIE!" France yells pulling back on England, "Afred is too strong! I can't, get..."

I yank back with everything I've got, desperatly trying to make them let go.

My eyes go wide, this can't be happening.

England is pulled out of France's arms, France falling to the aparment floor as England looks in pure shock as he leaves the safety of the window. My heart stops.

What have I done?

Without thinking, I get a good hold on his wrist and grab a hold of a window ledge. I hear France yell in fear, sticking his head out the window, trying to grab a hold of England before he got out of his reach. I yell in pain as England falls down, yanking my shoulder out of socket. We yell as we hit the brick wall, England letting go with one of his hands. I grab his arm as tight as I can and cling onto the ledge below the window.

I look up for France but discover that I have feel another floor in the few seconds that I was trying to save England.

England is swing dangerously fifty or more feet in the air, knocked senseless from the brick wall. Now I was holding on frantically to him, hoping I had a good grip on his wrist.

"ARTHUR!" France yells out, "Hold on!"

I need to help England, before he dies.

I try to climb up, to save his life. I discover that its impossible. I wouldn't be able to, unless I let go of England. I didn't want to lose him.

France treis to reach towards us, but me and England are too far down, dangling over the city. France yelps as he almost falls out of the window himself, my heart skipping a beat.

What am I doing?

What the HELL am I doing? I have a family who loves me, enough to risk their lives for me. I have all my brothers and sisters, my friends, even my enemies. Why am I throwing this all away?

I look up, trying to figure a way to get him up there so I could save him. I feel him start to stir, looking around in a daze. I look down as he looks down, him yelling in fear and confusion.

"BLOODY HELL!" He screams out, reaching his other hand up to clasp my arm in fear.

"I got you Bro!" I yell, grasping tightly to England's wrist.

I look down on England who is pale as a ghost, trembling and holding for dear life to my arm. He looks up to me, seeing the fear mirrored on my face as well, not knowing if it was because I had put him in danger or I had just realized what I was doing wasn't the answer.

I look back, up, hoping France had got something to get us up with.

Shit.

Where was France, the window is empty. Where did he go?

"What is he doing?" I yell, my arms feeling like they were on fire.

Whatever he is doing, he better hurry up. I can't hold on much-

My heart leaps to my throat.

My gut feels as though it is being stabbed over and over again as I feel England's hand slip from mine.

"ARTHUR!" I yell in dispear, looking down.

Instead of seeing England fall to his death I see France yanking him through the window.

That's what France was doing.

I smile, relief flowing through me. England was ok, now, he was safe and that's all that mattred to me.

Suddenly my arm is grasped, something yanking me into the window above me with incredable strength. Almost as strong as me, if not more. I yell as we tumble into the room, not understanding what was going on. I could feel my heart beating against my rib cage, trying to get out. Before I can even recover or realise where I was, I feel arms wrap around me, and a soft sobbing against me as the person bowls me over in a bear hug, almost knocking me back to he ground.

"Why Alfred, why?" A small voice sobs out.

I sigh, Canada. That's how they knew, Canada had told them. I'm actually glad he did, or else they would all be going to a funeral and I would be dead. How could I be so stupid? Putting my twin through this. If I died, he would've never forgiven himself, reminded of me everytime he looked in the mirror.

Canada looks up at me, kissing me on the forehead, and hugging me tightly with his polar bear grip, "Why did you do that brother?" He asks, sobbing into my leather jacket, "Why would you even think of this?"

I hear footsteps, rushing up the stairs and tunring into the door way. I look up as England dashes in, breathing raggedly, his hair a mess. He spots me and Canada on the floor and tackles us, hugging tightly onto me and Canada. I start to sob, being sorrounded by my family. I try and reach around for England, to hug him as well, but can't get past Canada's desperate bear grip. I settle for squeezing his hand, careful not to break it. England rubs my back, hugging my head and kissing the top of it.

"You're alright, its alright....it will be ok." He says, trying to calm me.

His voice was trembling.

How could I have done this to him, his voice never trembled, the only other time I heard his voice like that was the Revolutionary War. I never wanted to hear his perfect voice like that again. And here it was, trembling. I'm such a baka as England would say.

"Matthieu, Dieu merci." France breathes out, not sure of wether to join the hug or not.

Canada answeres for me, "Papa..." He sobs, France instantly rushing over to us.

We sit in that room, England saying random soothing things, acting like a dad rater than a brother. Canada still won't let go, worried like he would lose me like he almost did. France hugs me and Canada.

I smile, hugging Canada tighter, suqeezing England's hand and placing my head on France's hand as he rested it on Canada's shoulder.

My family.

My adopted, crazy, weird, strange family.

But still family none the less.

I shouldn't have done this, I should've have thought what would happen to my family.

I wasn't just killing myself.

I was killing a son.

I was killing a brother.

I was killing a best friend as well.

We hear a stampede of footsteps thunder down the hall, us breaking out of the embrace. I look up as they pass right by the door. One stops, looking at me with tears in his eyes. Japan, my best friend.

"Alfred!" He says, the rest of the company halting and trying to crowd into the door all at once.

I begin to laugh, seeing Ireland pushing Mexico out of the way as he and Scotland struggle to pour in through the door at the same time, the three nations having trouble squeezing through. I hear a growl and the three go sprawling to the floor, Australia, Hong Kong and Wales behind them, Australia dusting off his hands. Even Seychelles was there, Sealand perched up on her back, piggy back style. They pick themselves up, rushing over to me, making sure I was ok. Ireland grabs England shaking him, exclaiming that he had been worried sick when he saw him fall out of the window, his other borther scolding him for scaring them. Mexico clings to me, his black hair a mess from stress, Australia sighing as he saw I was alright. Japan rushes over to me, joining in with Mexico in the hug, his usually calm face flooded with saddness.

I ruffle Japan's hair, smiling as I looked at everybody. "Thank you..." Is all I can manage out before I start sobbing hysterically.

England pushes his brothers out of the way, hearing my cry, rushing back over to me, "Don't crowd him, give him some air." He says, helping me up.

He gasp in surprise as I collapse into his arms, sobbing hysterically. I cling onto him, I needed my brother. No, I wanted my dad, he was my dad and nothing was going to change that. Everything else disappears, right then, it was just me and my dad, the one I needed the most right now.

England sighs, hugging me back, the rest of the group looking at the two, "Why din't you tell me, Alfred?" He says in a soothing voice, rubbing my back.

"I..I... d-don't...know, I just...I ju..." I can't say any more, conitinuing to sob into England's uniform.

England sighs, returning my hug as best as he could and sighs.

What had happened to his little America to make him like this?

_A hero will save me just in time_

**This is the ending of the Oneshot that has become a two shot, ve. I just couldn't leave it at the cliff hanger. While I'm talking, I actually have an alternate ending to this, I will posted it up after this chapter. But THIS is the real ending, the one I'm proud of. YATTA! GO ENGLAND! He's a hero, _Go England, Go England, Its your birthday, We're going to party like its your birthday_ (Dances around in circles. Keiko yelps as Mixalis tackles her)**

**Mixalis: (Hugs Keiko) SKI DA, SKI DA, SKI DA!**

**Keiko:Whoa, I love you too. I just couldn't kill America, he's....America.**

**Mixalis: DANKE! I'll never prank you again. (Today)**

**Keiko: You know I can read paraenthasis.**

**Mixalis: You can't even spell it, so how can you read it? (Points at mispelled word)**

**Keiko: Oh well, at least I'm prank free today.**

**Mixalis: OH that reminds me, I kinda took the lock off your door so the seven kids can break into your room anytime now...heh. Just warning you.**

**Keiko: Mixa...**

**Mixalis: Hey, I did it yesterday so you can't judge me. But thanks for making England save him. AND for Canada dragging him in. SKI DA!**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_Heavens gates won't open up for me_  
_With these broken wings I'm falling_  
_And all I see is you_  
_These city walls ain't got no love for me_  
_I'm on the ledge of the 18th story_  
_And all I scream for you_  
_Hurry I'm falling,_  
_I'm falling_

I groan, every part of me in agony.

Is this what its like to die?

I struggle to breath, thrashing around, my bones feeling like they were on fire. A hand restrains me, feeling like claws raking into my skin, producing a yell from me. I open my eyes, my vision swimming as a million people swarm around me, one bent over me. He looked like he was yelling, his hand on my shoulder, shaking me. Amoung the confusion and the pain I can hear shouts, screams, cries, and a few yells in strange garbled voices. I can't understand anything, the pain driving out all thought.

Why was I in so much pain, did something happen?

I struggle to adjust my eyes, trying to focus on the person yelling at me, shaking me. My vision goes red and my eyes roll back, my world going black. I hear a yell in anguish, the voice coming through loud and clear before my world went silent.

"ALFRED!"

888

Lights being shinned in my eyes, a feeling of a mask pressed over my nose and mouth. The strong taste of prue oxygen streaming into me, making me cough slightly. I try to move, to yank it off but my vision leaves me, along with a blinding flash of pain as I moved my arm. I hear a soft voice, my hand reaching instinctively toward it. It felt comforting to me, in my state of pain and misery. I feel something clasp it tight, rough and weathered, like a hand. I cling tightly to the hand, starting to smile. I groan as a crippling pain grips my heart and then I black out, the hand being snatched away.

888

I wake up, feeling volts of electricity fllowing through me, my hands twitching. A blinding pain is keeping me in a fog, unable to focus enough to make a thought. I hiss, feeling myself being moved onto a softer place, a feeling of metal in my arms.

What happened?

Why am I hurting?

I just want the pain to go away. I feel somebody open my eyes, seeing a blurred image of a doctor, I assume. I struggle as a blinding light is shone into my eye, my eye wanting to close. I was already in pain, I didn't need the slight annoyance to plague me as well.

The light is moved, my eyes flickering open, "Sir, can you hear me..." The voice sounds like its a football field away, the words just barely reaching my damaged brain.

I moan, trying to get up in my confusion. Some people try and restrain me, not wanting me to injure myself anymore. Despite being in terrible pain, I fight them off, easily throwing the weak doctors off of me. Suddenly I feel two hands pressing againt my chest, forcing me back onto the bed. I can't move from under the force, still trying to flee, my response to the adreniline coursing through me.

"He's Amer... he...won..t...g...down." The voice says, "Tie...m...dow...no..w." The voice is shaky, as if its trying not to cry. My condition not letting me hear the words clearly, just bits and pieces of the sentences.

I feel something tugging at my wrists and legs, straps being placed over them. I stop struggling, the bonds holding me down.

What's going on?

Why is this happening?

My vision starts to improve, slowly but surely. The hands stay down on my chest, holding me down despite me no longer trying to move. The arms are shaking slightly, as if scared, or troubled. I look up, seeing dirty blonde hair, and orbs of green peeking from under them, the rest blacked out. It clears up more, allowing me to see the busy brows on his face, the orbs turning into green eyes.

_And all I need is you_  
_And all I scream for you_  
_Hurry, I'm falling_

"Art...er" I say, my voice coming out choked, my breath fogging up the breathing mask.

England jumps, looking down on me, "Don't talk Alfred...please, just rest." He says, his sea green eyes watering dangerously, his voice cracking. The sight makes my heart twist, wanting to reach out and embrace him despite my own pain. "Save your strength." He gasps out, sniffing.

The blue drops fall onto my face, and my blood soaked clothes, a breif relief from the blinding, buring pain coursing through me. Worse than hell itself. Another drop and spread of relief, as if the futile tears were trying to heal a broken body, a body too far gone to save. I close my eyes, flexing my hands as another smoldering pulse goes through me. I don't even know what's hurting the most, I'm just a bundle of pain at this point. I look up at England, seeing him start to cry.

What happened?

Why am I hurt?

I gasp as it all comes back to me and look sadly up at England, my eyes blurring up.

The fall.

The exploding pain.

Him carrying me to the hospital in his own arms.

I even spot his once white shirt covered in my crimison blood. He must've saw me jump, and then been right there as I suffered until he got me to an ambulance, where I had had a heart-attack. He had been there the whole time.

He had shook me.

He had yelled my name when I blacked out.

He had held my hand.

He was the soothing voice, the only voice that got through my pain filled haze.

England, what have I done to you?

I feel my hot tears running down my face, seeing the former empire before me crumble, broken hearted, just like in the revolution. I had made him cry once more, something I vowed I would never do again. I had hurt him, not physically, but his heart, it was broken.

"I'm..." I cough, red splotching the plastic mask, "Sorr..y...bro...so s...orr..y." I manage out, England struggling to stop from crying. I take a deep breath, hoping my words could come through, feeling something holding me down, trying to silence me. "I...I..." I almost black out, managing to stick around. I wasn't giving up, I wanted to tell him how I felt, about my dad... "I...lov..."

I groan as I fall, my eyes becoming vacant, dim. I'm still there, though, but barely.

I wanted to scream.

I wanted to yell.

To call for the one person I cared about more than anything in this world.

I wanted to yell to the ends of the world.

_I love you!_

England goes frantic, yelling at the doctors and shaking me slightly. His cries of _Alfred_ falling on deaf ears. My vision fades, my eyes staying focused on his tear stained face. He was yelling my name, as if that alone would save me, bring me back to him. To give him back his little America.

Why did this have to happen?

WHY?

_Show me what its like _  
_To be the last one standing_  
_And teach me wrong from right_  
_And I'll show you what I can do_  
_And say it for me,_  
_Say it to me_  
_And I'll leave this life behind me_  
_Say it if its worth saving me_  
_Hurry, I'm falling_

I wake up, the feeling of being rushed down a hall, slamming into the doors, the doctors frantic around me. The lights above me are passing by so fast, its making me dizzy. I close my eyes, tears still flowing.

Where was England?

Amoung the sea of people around me I didn't spot his warm eyes, the sea green orbs that brought me back. The rough weathered hands that had held me when I was little and had carried me when I was hurt was nowhere to be felt. Only the rubber covered hands of the doctors. No kind voice to carry me through the darkness, kept me there. Only hurried voices of the doctors and the sound of banging doors. I wanted Arthur, my dad, I needed him. I wanted all the pain to go away. I hiss and clench my fists, the molten pain in my legs and everywhere a constant reminder that I was still alive. But the coals were dying, slowly calming down, the pain fading. I could see a bright light, brighter than anything I've ever seen.

A white light.

I groan, I didn't want to die, I wanted to live. I felt like I was floating away, the pain slowly subsiding. I sigh, the will to fight gone. A single tear hits the white tile floor as I close my eyes for good.

I didn't even get to say good bye.

_And say it for me,  
Say it to me  
And I'll leave this life behind me  
Say it if its worth saving me_

_**"AAHHHHHH!"**_ I yell sitting up in the bed.

My heart races in my chest, my hands shaking terribly, my eyes wide in the dark of my room. My skin was slick with the cold sweat, my life flashing before my eyes. I was in shock, not understanding what was going on, still halfway in the dream state. I jump, fully awake as the door to my room opens up wide, England standing in the frame.

"Alfred?" He says, looking at my terrified state. "Are you ok?" he rushes to my side, only in his blue boxers, seeing the tears streaming down my cheeks.

Tears that had been flowing as I slept.

I hold my hand over my heart, balling up my fists as more tears streamed down my face. I shake my head, closing my eyes as England clings to me, hugging me tightly. Trying to comfort me from the demons haunting me. This was the second day that I had had that dream, since the day I had been saved by England. The day I tried to get rid of America for good. Since that dreadful day I had been kept under a careful eye, not even being allowed to watch the news or talk to my boss. And for good reason. England shushes me, rubbing my back as I sobbed into his shoulder. I was shaken, I admit, having a break down and jumping off a building will do that to a man. England was doing his best to calm my fears, my pain, my hurt, but it was futile. I was scared, scared of myself and my dream. And what had made the dream so scary was how close it was to being the truth.

"Its ok, Iggy's here." England says, trying to calm me down.

I hug him tightly, not wanting to lose him, not wanting him to leave like he did in the dream. I didn't want to be alone, I didn't want to say good bye. My body trembles in the adrenline rush my dream had given me. I was breathing rapidly, my arm still paining from England catching me. His back was wrapped up, tiger balm constantly being slathered onto it. My weight wrentching it pretty badly. But, he walked as if he was brand new, not showing the pain I knew he was feeling. Both my arms were still messed up, throbbing even now.

I shiver as I think about how badly I could've been hurt, or the possibilty of me not feeling any pain any more.

I was still fearful and unsure about myself, feeling the mixed emotions pulse through me, fighting each other for dominance. No nations besides my family and my best friend Japan was allowed to see me. Russia had tried, but France had almost declared war on him along with England, the two standing united for the first time in a long time. England sits me up, looking into my trembling blue eyes as I calmed down.

England looks right into my eyes, his eyes searching for answers, "Alfred..." He pauses, seeing my eyes tear up again, "Are you going to tell me what the dream is about?" I close my eyes and shake my head. He sighs, hugging me close to his bare chest, "Its ok, you can when you're ready. ok?"

I nod, burying my face into his shoulder. I hear somebody pause at the door. I timidly lift my head up, spying Canada looking in, his blue eyes looking around woeriedly. Kumajirou pads along beside him, surprisingly qiuet for a full grown polar bear.

"Alfred?" He says, Kumajirou peeking in under Canada's arm.

England looks back, sighing as he saw the concern on Canada's face, "He's alright, a nightmare is all." He says, managing a slight smile.

Canada's worried face relaxes, sighing out in relief, "Ok. Good night, eh." He says, closing the door behind him.

I see England move to get up when I cringe, grabbing his wrist, stopping him. He looks down on me, seeing me shaking, clutching onto his wrist for dear life.

"Eng...England? Please...sleep in here with me?" I plead, "I don't want to be by myself." I say, my blue eyes looking up, pleading, begging him to stay, "I don't want you to leave me."

England looks down at me, staring into my desperate eyes, his green eyes melting in response. He couldn't say no to this face. He sighs, "Ok, scoot over." He pulls the covers up, slipping into the bed as I moved.

I make room for him, England pulling the covers over him, his back to me. I put my back up against his, feeling more comfortable as I felt his presence right beside me. I take a deep breath and smile, feeling his heartbeat against mine. It felt soothing, calming, comforting. It was like all my troubles melted away, leaving me feeling like I was little America again, a colony under England. I missed this, him being there for me. I missed England more than ever now, wishing I had stayed a colony like Australia did. Maybe I would have been better off than I was. I close my eyes, feeling the weariness of sleep overcome me, the dream causing havoc on my exhausted brain. Soon, our deep breaths are the only thing heard in the room, sleep claiming me in a black curtain, no dreams plague me now.

888

England sits up, hearing America's deep breaths sounding throughout the the room. America's old room when he had been under England's care, just like he was now. England sits up, looking back at America, looking sadly down on the sleeping nation. His heart cringed, thinking back two days ago. He had almost lost America forever, and it had an effect on all the nations close to America. Not just his family, but his friends, including Italy, Prussia, even Germany and Russia seemed changed from the news of America trying to disappear. He didn't have a lot of friends, but the ones he did have, the family members, the best friends, the enemies, were changed forever. England looks down on the nation, the dim moonlight pouring in from the window, covering America in a silvery light. America looked so peaceful, so happy.

How England wished he was happy.

England gets up from the bed, careful not to disturn America from his slumber. England's feet touches the cold floor, the chill traveling up his spine. He dashes quickly from the bedroom, sighing as his barefeet touched the carpet in the hall. He breathes out, stopping as he saw a light from the living room.

He looks curiously down the hall, "Who would be up at this hour?" He says to himself, heading to investigate who would be up at 4 am.

He walks towards the living room, spotting a figure in the middle of the floor, looking through his photo album. England rubs his eyes, trying to adjust to the bright living room light. He spots the guy, long eligant blonde hair atop his head, slightly strewn around. Probably from stress or lack of sleep, in nothing but red boxers, sitting indian style on the ground. The wavy blonde hair could only belong to one of two people, France or Canada. And since England couldn't spot a curl stick straight up like Alfred's, it was only one person.

"Francis." England says, France jumping at the voice.

He looks back at England, whipping the tears from his eyes, "Oh Arthur. I didn't realise you were still up." He says, trying to look normal, "I take it Alfred had a nightmare?"

England walks up to him, nodding, "Yeah." He sits down beside France, surprising the nation as he joined him in looking at the photo album, "What are you looking at?" He asks, France still staring at him strangely, expecting him to treat him like normal, like he did before America tried to end his life.

He moves the book, to let England get a better look at the picture, a few tear drops on the plastic protecting. It was taken years ago, back during the 17 hundreds, when England and France had been younger. It showed the two, fighting and yelling in the background, America and Canada smiling brightly for the cameras. Their first family photo. They were little, almost children at this point. The sight of the picture, brought tears to England's eyes. He was looking at America, seeing the big goofy smile on his face, so carefree and innocent.

What had happened to those simple times, when America was cute and easy to please?

England may have only had America for 20 years, but he still yearned for those days back.

The best days of his life.

A voice interrupts his thoughts, seeing France looking at him, "What ever happened to Alfred, Arthur?" He questions, "What caused him to do this to himself?" France pauses, closing his eyes and looking down, "To us?" He starts to tremble, barely keeping himself together.

England sighs, patting the trembling nation's back, "I don't even think Alfred could answer that..." He breathes out, his own spirit low.

France takes a deep breath, a loud groan coming out. England sniffs, looking at the happy picture, two little kids being kids. All smiles. Him and France fighting in the background made England feel like he hadn't been a good brother to America. Him and France fought over him, like he was a prize to be won, instead of letting America choose for himself. In the end, they had tried to bribe him with food, not letting America be himself. France, seeing the turmoil in England's eyes, hugs him, surprising the former empire.

England growls, "Off me... win...wi.." He sighs, not even able to call him a wino bastard. He clings tightly to France, wishing he could go back in time and take back all the mistakes, raised America better, not being so stern on him. Letting him be himself. England blamed himself for America doing what he did, even though it had nothing to do with him.

France pats his back, "There, there mon cheri..." He says, England bursting into tears for the first time since they rescued America, "Its ok." He rubs England's back, careful not to hurt his injured back.

"No its not ok!" England sobs out, "What if he does it again? We can't be there to catch him as he falls past the window, or jump in front of the bullet." He takes a deep breath, trying to keep quiet. "What if...what if he succeeds..." He looks up at France, his sea green eyes hurting, "What if I'm not there to stop him, to help him? To save him from himself?"

France takes in the words, trying to figure out his answer, seeing England waiting for an answer, tears streaming down. But for the first time in France's life, he didn't have the answers, he didn't know what to say.

England holds his breath, waiting for France to share some of his wisdom with him.

France turns away, very embrassed that he couldn't think of one thing to say to England.

England looks down, the one time he wanted to hear France's endless advice, and he had none to give.

Well, it was to be expected, no nation had ever been through this before. No nation had tried to kill themselves. Sure, a few had been murdered by other nations, but never one taking its own life/ England sighs, rubbing the back of his neck in the aquward silence, heavy in the air. The two nations sigh at the smae time, heads down. America was unstable, and they knew it. They both realise the only solution at the smae time, neither liked it.

"Mental institution." England breathes out. "Its..." He balls up his fists, "The only way..."

France looks back at England, "Surely we can find another solution, oui?" He says, knowing England's heart was breaking at just the thought of sending America away.

England shakes his head, "Francis...we almost lost Alfred. If we hadn't had seen him jump from his apartment window... he would've d-...d-...d-died..." He sighs, deeply, his heart breaking in two. "We have to...tommorrow we'll call them." He says.

France sees the trumoil rsuhing through England, tearing the nation in two. He wanted Amrica happy, but he didn't want to let America go ethier. The two nations sit there, unable to speak to each other. England grabs up the album, starting back at the beggining, just looking through his memories, to escape from the present. It was a breif escape, the nation lost in the past and what he couldn't have back. The times of innocence and glory, how he wished for the days of knights in shining armor and fire breathing serpeants and pirating on the high seas. France looks at the album with him, the nations looking at their pasts even as the room slowly became brighter from the rising day. The promise of a new day didn't make England feel any better, knowing what the day would bring.

Losing America.

**Hello Keiko here... I was going to make this only a two shot...but.. I couldn;'t help it. ^^; A awesome person by the name of Kalikuvaz actually gave me the idea to conntinue through their comment. THANK YOU! This chapter is for you. XD Then bad ending has been turned into a dream. Oh, just warning you of those who don't have me under alert, I'm changing the name of this, its called Losing America. Its makes more since. And the song is called Save me By Nickleback. And about the photo album, I know they didn't have cameras back then but... I wanted something to sort of bring France and England closer durning this time and be sort of bittersweet. If America can have alaptop in WW2, they can have cameras back during the time of the Roman Empire and the time of dragons and pirates. XD Yes, America is going to the nut house... How will Canada and the rest react to England's plan? Or the rest of the boonefroy and Kikrland family for that matter? I myself had a freind who went to a mental institution for something similar and so this story will be very personal for me. Canada and England kinda embody my feelings I had at this time, but mostly Canada from now one, since I acted just like him when I was young.**

**On a lighter note, I need your help. I'm starting an ask Italy collum up here where you ask Italy questions and he answers. See, I'm on a panel for Animazement next year and I will be North Italy up there, and the panel will ask be asking the nations questions so this Ask Story is to sort of prepare for that, so I can get in character (Even though I already act like him, a lot...check out some of my other story author notes for the story) Just send the questions in a PM or to the email Italyaussie gmail. com (Without spaces) I also have one for those of you who want to know more about me, my stories and my cahacters which appearin my authors notes (Kieko and Mixalis) If you want to know anything about some of my stories that you didin't understand or just want to chat, email me at KeikoMixalis Gmail. com or PM me. You can ask anything on that story to ethier me, or my Nobody Mixalis. (you get two different personalities so be warned) I'll even answer as Australia on the Italy stroy as well, so any for him, just ask. XD Have a great day and hope you enjoy this story. **

**Oh ps. The word in Chaoter 2 that France yells right before America yanks England out the window means _I'M TRYING!_ Just letting you know... susca.. sorry..**


	4. Update

Hello, this is Keiko Sahara.

I'm sorry that I have left you guys for over 2 years. I've been dealing with curve balls life has sent to put me down. The first is the college life wasn't for me, so I dropped out I regret to say. The Job market just hasn't been kind to me, nor has my family for that matter. I'm now considered the Black Sheep of my family cause of my big heart, and my way of not speaking back when people argue at me... But yes. I've also, one of my biggest factors of why I have not written in the past 2 years is because of my health. I've always been a weak person when it came to health, but my health hit an all time low. I developed the disease known as Herpes Zolster or more commonly refered to as "Shingles" a mutation of the Chicken pox virus. I caught this disease a few days before my 20th birthday, and have had nerve damage from it since. I've been to nureologist after nuerologist when my head started to twitch uncontrollably to the right, non-stop for two months. This has really hampered me, but I have slowly learned to over come this handicap. But the most important reason why I haven't written in 2 years is because I was at job corp learning how to be a pharmacy technician. At the current moment I'm living with my roommate in Wilmington NC and am trying to find a job. But now i'm finally away from my family's depressing household, and am happy for once. Now, I can finally try and work on my story Away from the Sun, and maybe some of Saving America and I'm the Villian afterwards. I'm sorry for my long absence, but know as u can see I've had more than a good reason to have not been working on my beloved story. I hope to at least start dealing out chapters once a month rather than once a week, so i won't strain myself to work so fast on it. And it will be better, and bigger than the first one. I also plan to do a re-write of AFTS, to fix plot bugs and grammar and just make the story flow better. Thank you, and please be patient with me... I'm sorry my fans...

Melissia Vann


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